Posts Tagged ‘Stinky Bears’

Husky Predictions From a Cougar Fan

September 18, 2009

wootERS

Just a week removed from giving up close to 500 yards of total offense to mighty Idaho Vandals, the huskies have the good fortune of facing a should-be division 1-AA team from southern California. The predictions that follow are basically fact, as my 6th sense is the ability to accurately predict husky football outcomes. The substantially less talented huskies will jump out to a quick 7-0 lead, and in a moment of pure coaching genius, coach Sarkisian will attempt an onside kick on the ensuing and recover the ball. With all the USC fans in the house stunned, Jake Locker steps under center ready to hopefully lead the huskies down field for his second touchdown of the day…..Suddenly, the zookeeper who had been using a magnetic force-field to hold back the 7 grizzly bears and 9 tigers he had been neglecting to feed for the last few weeks on the husky sideline dropped his force-field remote, releasing the 16 savage beasts….Have I mentioned that Jake Locker was wearing steak flavored football pants?….no? Well, Jake Locker, in a moment of pre-game poor judgment, went with the steak flavored pants to try and fire up his offensive linemen. With the blood thirsty woodland creatures free to feast and having eyes only for the man in the steak flavored pants, I don’t need to describe what happens next….but I probably should…..Jake takes the snap and notices one of the larger, more rabies-infested bears tearing towards him….he attempts to throw the football at the bear but over throws it by a good 15 yards leaving himself defenseless……and now armless as well. That’s when the rest of the bears and tigers get in on the feast…. Tragic, just tragic…..So, after cleaning up the carnage, the Trojans, who really, Jake Locker or not, will go on to score 112 unanswered points leading to our final score prediction! USC 112 – UW 7.

……..and a nice little treat for the Cougar fans:

SPACE KABOOM!

The System Works!!!!

September 12, 2008

 

           The Cougar football season begins today!!! In an unprecedented ruling by the NCAA, the Washington State Cougars’ record has been reset to 0-0. Citing an ancient and incredibly obscure rule, the NCAA Collegiate Old Boys Club Tribunal discussed the controversial ruling by releasing this public statement: “My pappy once spun me a yarn about this here situation in paticular; I remember him him-hawing and jabbering on about ‘any team losing by 60 or more at home to an in-conference opponent shall get to begin the season anew, yeehaw a whooowee, as that is a severe whoopin (shoots guns in the air) and should never happen within conference…’ So, in accordance with my pappy’s wishes, we will comply with this here rule.”

 

The 0-0 Cougars have a fairly good chance of getting an opening week win on the road tonight against Baylor. In spite of Baylor’s best attempts to avoid the national powerhouse Cougs (who has ever heard of a Hurr-A-Cane?…sounds made up), the game will go on, only a day earlier than scheduled. The game kicks off at 5:30 tonight, and should be a real barn-burner, with preseason “Stuffandthingsblog Heisman Candidate” Kevin Lopina getting some snaps and the Cougars number one (in our hearts) ranked defense taking it to the Bears. So settle in, grab some delicious ice-cold popsicles, and have a grand old time watching the Cougs go out and win