Posts Tagged ‘NFL’

If Every American Mails Peyton Manning $1, I Think He Might Finally Retire

February 2, 2012

Peyton Coverage = Anti-Eugene

Hey there, friend.  You’re probably wondering what I’m doing right now (8:16 pm PST) I’m currently watching 30 Rock, and Kristin Schaal is guest starring as a new page.  Seeing her reminded me of Bob’s Burgers, a show near and dear to my heart.  One of my favorite actors on that show is Eugene Mirman.  I just love Eugene Mirman!  I think he’s hilarious.  I literally cannot get enough of Eugene Mirman.

My adoration of all things Eugene is the opposite of how I feel about all this Peyton Manning coverage.  In fact, there are many opposites between Eugene Mirman and the Peyton Manning coverage.  This might be easier if I just compile a list of all the opposites that exist between these two.

Eugene Mirman               Peyton Manning Coverage
-Funny                            -Not Funny
-Overweight                    -Not Overweight
-Comedian                      -Not Comedian
-Russian Heritage           -No Russian Heritage


Look, here’s my point.  The media has been speculating on Peyton’s future for a while, but the attention has really ramped up in the past couple of weeks.  It’s incessant.  I really don’t think I need to say anything else because you know what I’m going to say.  Sports media’s obsession with all things Peyton must be put to a stop!

This is why I propose the Peyton Plan: If you, me and Rick Perry combine our efforts, I am convinced that we can persuade every American (even you, infants!) to donate one dollar to Peyton Manning.  This combined value of $312,953,322 should be enough to convince the beleaguered quarterback to hang up his cleats for good and put an end to ESPN’s blather.  Once again we will be able to turn on the TV without fear of hearing about all 22 NFL teams who might take a risk on Peyton Manning next season.

So, dear reader, will you join me in implementing the Peyton Plan? Together, I believe we can make a difference!  We will prevail!


Football Embarrassment Video Thursday/Friday

October 1, 2009

I once saw a man throw the top of one of those Crate and Barrel heavy glass candles at someone over a Randall Cunningham themed argument…….so I may don the ol’ bullet-proof attire from now on……..the man is a menace…suck it Jendro!

Football Embarrassment Video Thursday/Friday

October 1, 2009

Classic Phil! Also, possibly the greatest video featuring the line “I like to Ram it as you can see, nobody likes ramming as much as me”.

When You Just Can’t Dunkaroo Anymore

April 28, 2008

            Saturday’s NFL draft was probably the most boring in recent memory. ESPN had wall-to-wall coverage of the two day event and, with only a small amount of big name guys, the feat of somehow covering the NFL snoozefest for two straight days is inconceivable and well deserving of Atta-boys and kudos (yes the delicious granola bar/candy treat).  Teams were being “reasonable” and “addressing their needs”, so the only interesting thing about the draft was that Washington State University graduate Alex Brink somehow slipped all the way to the 7th round to the Houston Texans. It is amazing to me that there isn’t a team out there who needs a guy that can fairly to very easily throw for 5 touchdowns and 5 interceptions in the same game. This late picking of Mr. Brink was a surprise to everybody, but for different reasons. After day one, I was sitting there wondering when Alex was finally going to go while the rest of the world was saying “who is Alex Brink” and “why would the Texans waste a 7th round pick on this guy from Warshington”. However ridiculous, my semi-fond memories of Alex as a Coug were substantially increased to very fond by his 27 of 40 for 399 yards and 5 touchdowns against the crapface huskies in the 2007 Apple Cup. In a game the Seattle Times called an “upset”…..(uhhhh WRONG, but to be fair Gregg Bell is an idiot along with most of the sports writers over there), Brink became the only quarterback to beat the huskies 3 times in his career. Basically, what I am saying is that one good Apple Cup (3 is preferable) is enough to make me love you……So take that to heart future Cougar quarterbacks, just win me Apple Cups and you will earn my awesome amounts of love and respect which are redeemable for nothing. So, hopefully Alex can take Houston by storm and earn himself a nice little roster spot…..but in a more likely scenario he will be dominating up north with our frozen Canadian friends with their big flopping heads and their beady little eyes. Always nice to see a Coug get taken in the draft, and the Seahawks signed Michael Bumpus to a free agent deal….so we got that going for us.