Posts Tagged ‘Cougs’

Upset Alert: Cougars Refuse To Poop All Over Themselves vs. USC

September 27, 2009


Last night, I was conversing with a fellow Coug as a never-in-doubt loss to USC had us excited because, despite not winning, we weren’t being taken to the woodshed. He made a very insightful observation into the mind-frame of Cougar football fans; he said “the thing about Cougar fans is that no matter how bad we are, we can always find something to get excited about.” I found this to be an incredibly astute statement, and then spent the next 10 minutes analyzing my own attitude – my joy over holding USC scoreless for two quarters and only allowing seven points over three quarters was the kind of joy most fans only show in a blow-out victory or an upset over a ranked opponent……not to say I wouldn’t love to have beaten USC at home and really exposed a far-less-talented-than-usual trojan squad, but when you’ve been blown out by Hawaii and needed an overtime field goal to beat SMU, you set your expectations nice and low. And, for just a few minutes, the future looked incredibly bright with true freshman QB Jeff Teul throwing the ball all over the trojan defense….mostly to his favorite target, true freshman receiver Gino Simone. All in all, a loss is a loss, and did they look terrible at times…..but those small amounts of hope shone brightly in the minds of cougar fans, and THAT is what separates the Cougs from the rest….eternal hope and self-deprecating pessimism…not quite sure how those two co-exist….but it is what it is.


Husky Predictions From a Cougar Fan

September 25, 2009


Well crap, I guess even a blind squirrel finds a nut every once and a while…stupid huskies….and thank the Lord that the blind, deaf, dumb, swine-flu-infected, product-of-incest squirrel that is the Washington State Cougar football team also managed to scare up a little meal. Since I am so devastated about the inaccuracy of my husky football team prediction from last weekend, I have decided to instead predict what this Saturday will look like for Husky (as in God’s full-figured little earth angels) people. These Huskies will wake up early, covered in post late-night Wendys garbage and feeling deeply saddened, but ready to make a change. They will have been stress-testing the fence that lies between fat and in-shape for far too long….. “TO THE GYM!!!!!” the Husky guy/girl will announce. Arriving at the gym in too-tight yoga clothes (girl)/a sleeveless muscle tee with a food stain on it (guy), they will head straight for the smoothie bar to grab a pre-workout drink. 45 minutes and 400 calories later, it’s “time to get their sweat on”…technically the walk to the car earlier lit that candle, but hey – nobody’s keeping track of these things. A nice 10 minutes on the treadmill for him/15 fart-filled minutes in hot yoga for her and confidence will be rising….”I could do this every day!”….rigggghhhhhtttt. Time for weight machines (free weights are hard on your joints right?) – 20 minutes lifting to the sweet, sweet sounds of Nickelback (him)/Beyonce (her…..oh, this leg extension is going to make someone want to “put a ring on it” NOW). Feeling strong, lean, and mean, it will be time for him/her to head home via the long route so as to avoid the Wendys drive thru…. good idea husky guy/gal….. a left on 32nd street and then home free! Oh CRAP……When did they put in that Taco Bell?! They are building NEW Taco Bells? Oh God…..must……..for……border……..”Welcome to Taco Bell, may I take your order?” 

 Thus, in not-fat-but-not-skinny Purgatory he/she will remain. Fast Food Deliciousness-1 Husky Guy/Girl-0……..also UW-33 Stanford-28.

Cougar Predictions from a Husky Fan

September 25, 2009


I’m happy to say that my prediction from last week was wrong.  It must have been my rooting for the Cougs that turned the tide.  WSU were able to win in overtime against a terrible SMU team that out gained them 504-276.  How do you give up 504 yards to SMU!? But at least a national crisis of was averted.  There wasn’t any more drinking or daubchery than what normally takes place in Pullman during a cougar game.  And the Cougs got their win for the season.  Yay.

This week, however, I don’t think they will be so lucky.  They travel to southern California to take on a pissed-off USC team.  I’m not sure if you heard about it, but last week USC lost to the Dawgs. Somehow, the Cougs are 8-56-4 against the Trojans.  That’s a .143 winning percentage, folks.  They shouldn’t even play this game.  USC is getting back QB Matt Barkley and most likely All-American saftey Taylor Mays as well, while the Cougs have lost leading rusher James Montgomery for the season.  I’m beginning to think that this just isn’t the Cougs year.  But what year is ever the year of the Coug?  42-3 USC.

Cougar Predictions From A Husky Fan

September 18, 2009


Being a Husky fan, I almost revel in the cougars sucking.  However, at this point I almost feel bad for them.  I mean, this week they are 6 point underdogs to SMU.  To SMU!  This is a team that went 1-11 last year and probably represents the cougs best chance of winning a game this season.  I think at this point if they lose this game, WSU might consider just canceling the rest of the season.  The coaches, players and especially the fans just need a break from all the heartache.  I know cougar fans relish being the loveable losers in the state, but I’m a little worried about what this loss might do to their psyche. Their depression might start spilling over into other areas of their lives and they might start drinking even more and having random sex with even more people, however impossible that might sound.  So, this week, although it goes against all my principles, I will be rooting for the cougars to win, if only to save the world from what might happen if they don’t.  Final score prediction: 28-20 SMU.

The System Works!!!!

September 12, 2008


           The Cougar football season begins today!!! In an unprecedented ruling by the NCAA, the Washington State Cougars’ record has been reset to 0-0. Citing an ancient and incredibly obscure rule, the NCAA Collegiate Old Boys Club Tribunal discussed the controversial ruling by releasing this public statement: “My pappy once spun me a yarn about this here situation in paticular; I remember him him-hawing and jabbering on about ‘any team losing by 60 or more at home to an in-conference opponent shall get to begin the season anew, yeehaw a whooowee, as that is a severe whoopin (shoots guns in the air) and should never happen within conference…’ So, in accordance with my pappy’s wishes, we will comply with this here rule.”


The 0-0 Cougars have a fairly good chance of getting an opening week win on the road tonight against Baylor. In spite of Baylor’s best attempts to avoid the national powerhouse Cougs (who has ever heard of a Hurr-A-Cane?…sounds made up), the game will go on, only a day earlier than scheduled. The game kicks off at 5:30 tonight, and should be a real barn-burner, with preseason “Stuffandthingsblog Heisman Candidate” Kevin Lopina getting some snaps and the Cougars number one (in our hearts) ranked defense taking it to the Bears. So settle in, grab some delicious ice-cold popsicles, and have a grand old time watching the Cougs go out and win 

When You Just Can’t Dunkaroo Anymore

April 28, 2008

            Saturday’s NFL draft was probably the most boring in recent memory. ESPN had wall-to-wall coverage of the two day event and, with only a small amount of big name guys, the feat of somehow covering the NFL snoozefest for two straight days is inconceivable and well deserving of Atta-boys and kudos (yes the delicious granola bar/candy treat).  Teams were being “reasonable” and “addressing their needs”, so the only interesting thing about the draft was that Washington State University graduate Alex Brink somehow slipped all the way to the 7th round to the Houston Texans. It is amazing to me that there isn’t a team out there who needs a guy that can fairly to very easily throw for 5 touchdowns and 5 interceptions in the same game. This late picking of Mr. Brink was a surprise to everybody, but for different reasons. After day one, I was sitting there wondering when Alex was finally going to go while the rest of the world was saying “who is Alex Brink” and “why would the Texans waste a 7th round pick on this guy from Warshington”. However ridiculous, my semi-fond memories of Alex as a Coug were substantially increased to very fond by his 27 of 40 for 399 yards and 5 touchdowns against the crapface huskies in the 2007 Apple Cup. In a game the Seattle Times called an “upset”…..(uhhhh WRONG, but to be fair Gregg Bell is an idiot along with most of the sports writers over there), Brink became the only quarterback to beat the huskies 3 times in his career. Basically, what I am saying is that one good Apple Cup (3 is preferable) is enough to make me love you……So take that to heart future Cougar quarterbacks, just win me Apple Cups and you will earn my awesome amounts of love and respect which are redeemable for nothing. So, hopefully Alex can take Houston by storm and earn himself a nice little roster spot…..but in a more likely scenario he will be dominating up north with our frozen Canadian friends with their big flopping heads and their beady little eyes. Always nice to see a Coug get taken in the draft, and the Seahawks signed Michael Bumpus to a free agent deal….so we got that going for us.