Archive for the ‘Movies? On a sports blog?’ Category

Good Company Does Not Make Up for Crappy Movie

May 14, 2008

                             SPOILER ALERT!!!!!….It sucked. Made of honor, starring some dude from some T.V. doctor show and some girl from some other stuff, was another crappy movie in a long line of crappy break-up-the-wedding-cause-you-want-her movies. This movie was flawed all the way down to the stupid title of the movie……I mean is there anything less honorable than stealing someone else’s bride in the middle of their wedding? This movie was also painted bloggers in a very unkind light because apparently its “weird” and “creepy” to write obsessively on a subject you have a loose affiliation with (at best). Whatever stupid movie…..you were awful.  This movie operated within a long stale genre where only 2 outcomes are possible: either he gets the girl or he doesn’t. Being the Hollywood genius I am, I have decided that the key to a billion dollar movie is to come up with a 3rd and/or 4th possible conclusion to these style of movies. Here are some possible ideas:

 

1. So the dude is running to the church to steal the bride away from the other dude that she is marrying and, as he walks up to the church, the bride looks out the window just in time to see him get hit by a bus and die. She then feels somewhat responsible and devotes her whole life to bringing him back from the dead and, when she finally does, he is this hybrid human/super zombie who runs for president or something.

 

 2. The dude shows up at the church and tells the bride how he feels and the groom is all mad (raarrrrrrr), so them she takes stock of all that’s going on in her life and decides she is much happier alone because clearly she shouldn’t be marrying anyone if she is at her wedding and contemplating switching guys. She goes on to live a life dedicated to the pursuit of bringing people back from the dead…and when she finally succeeds, they turn into hybrid human/super zombies that all join together to form a minor league baseball team which makes the playoffs for the first time in 50 years….or something.

 

3. Alright, so the guy wanting to marry the lady who is marrying someone else (small recap so you don’t loose your frame of reference) shows up at the wedding and is all like “ooh baby I love you so much you should be marrying me cause I love you and stuff,” but then the other guy will be all like “but baby I love you and we spent all this money on this wedding and stuff so I think you should marry me,” and then she will be all like “hey why don’t we just become polygamists and you can both marry me,” and then they all live happily ever after as polygamist scientists who research the possibilities of resurrecting people from the dead……But, then they realize that it won’t work because that’s stupid and they realize their whole lives have been a waste….So, they become hybrid human/super zombies who travel to elementary schools and tell kids not to do drugs and waste their lives on trying to bring people back from the dead…..and they also perform yo yo tricks.