L-O-I day is dead, but we’re all left wanting…Sark’s “WOOF’S” echo in the distance, and the single 4-stars and multiple 3-stars we have pale in comparison to the 4- and 5-stars that have sadly diarrhea’d into the fax machine of the UW hopper. The rein of Pirate Leach, however, changes everything. Super-steals like Sam Jones & Gabriel Marks, and the retention of Taylor Taliulu show that CML is willing to flex his muscle whenever and wherever he needs to. Though it’s a Top 50 recruiting class, at best it doesn’t mean douche-crotch performance; I swear, we’re in bowl games this year and taking 3 of the next 4 Apple Cups is a hopeful chance…..not because we have better kids but because I know for a fact UW kids will take a frat level of mental and physical abuse to the point where they become the guys who either flame out and “smush a bush” or play like Jeremy Stevens and “eat rape for dinner”. So, here’s believing we can appreciate good news and coast to a hopeful 10 bowl bods in a row thanks to the Pirate Leach…….ARGGHHHH
Archive for the ‘Huskies’ Category
Well crap, I guess even a blind squirrel finds a nut every once and a while…stupid huskies….and thank the Lord that the blind, deaf, dumb, swine-flu-infected, product-of-incest squirrel that is the Washington State Cougar football team also managed to scare up a little meal. Since I am so devastated about the inaccuracy of my husky football team prediction from last weekend, I have decided to instead predict what this Saturday will look like for Husky (as in God’s full-figured little earth angels) people. These Huskies will wake up early, covered in post late-night Wendys garbage and feeling deeply saddened, but ready to make a change. They will have been stress-testing the fence that lies between fat and in-shape for far too long….. “TO THE GYM!!!!!” the Husky guy/girl will announce. Arriving at the gym in too-tight yoga clothes (girl)/a sleeveless muscle tee with a food stain on it (guy), they will head straight for the smoothie bar to grab a pre-workout drink. 45 minutes and 400 calories later, it’s “time to get their sweat on”…technically the walk to the car earlier lit that candle, but hey – nobody’s keeping track of these things. A nice 10 minutes on the treadmill for him/15 fart-filled minutes in hot yoga for her and confidence will be rising….”I could do this every day!”….rigggghhhhhtttt. Time for weight machines (free weights are hard on your joints right?) – 20 minutes lifting to the sweet, sweet sounds of Nickelback (him)/Beyonce (her…..oh, this leg extension is going to make someone want to “put a ring on it” NOW). Feeling strong, lean, and mean, it will be time for him/her to head home via the long route so as to avoid the Wendys drive thru…. good idea husky guy/gal….. a left on 32nd street and then home free! Oh CRAP……When did they put in that Taco Bell?! They are building NEW Taco Bells? Oh God…..must…..run…..for……border……..”Welcome to Taco Bell, may I take your order?”
Thus, in not-fat-but-not-skinny Purgatory he/she will remain. Fast Food Deliciousness-1 Husky Guy/Girl-0……..also UW-33 Stanford-28.
Just a week removed from giving up close to 500 yards of total offense to mighty Idaho Vandals, the huskies have the good fortune of facing a should-be division 1-AA team from southern California. The predictions that follow are basically fact, as my 6th sense is the ability to accurately predict husky football outcomes. The substantially less talented huskies will jump out to a quick 7-0 lead, and in a moment of pure coaching genius, coach Sarkisian will attempt an onside kick on the ensuing and recover the ball. With all the USC fans in the house stunned, Jake Locker steps under center ready to hopefully lead the huskies down field for his second touchdown of the day…..Suddenly, the zookeeper who had been using a magnetic force-field to hold back the 7 grizzly bears and 9 tigers he had been neglecting to feed for the last few weeks on the husky sideline dropped his force-field remote, releasing the 16 savage beasts….Have I mentioned that Jake Locker was wearing steak flavored football pants?….no? Well, Jake Locker, in a moment of pre-game poor judgment, went with the steak flavored pants to try and fire up his offensive linemen. With the blood thirsty woodland creatures free to feast and having eyes only for the man in the steak flavored pants, I don’t need to describe what happens next….but I probably should…..Jake takes the snap and notices one of the larger, more rabies-infested bears tearing towards him….he attempts to throw the football at the bear but over throws it by a good 15 yards leaving himself defenseless……and now armless as well. That’s when the rest of the bears and tigers get in on the feast…. Tragic, just tragic…..So, after cleaning up the carnage, the Trojans, who really, Jake Locker or not, will go on to score 112 unanswered points leading to our final score prediction! USC 112 – UW 7.
……..and a nice little treat for the Cougar fans: