Archive for February, 2012

If Every American Mails Peyton Manning $1, I Think He Might Finally Retire

February 2, 2012

Peyton Coverage = Anti-Eugene

Hey there, friend.  You’re probably wondering what I’m doing right now (8:16 pm PST) I’m currently watching 30 Rock, and Kristin Schaal is guest starring as a new page.  Seeing her reminded me of Bob’s Burgers, a show near and dear to my heart.  One of my favorite actors on that show is Eugene Mirman.  I just love Eugene Mirman!  I think he’s hilarious.  I literally cannot get enough of Eugene Mirman.

My adoration of all things Eugene is the opposite of how I feel about all this Peyton Manning coverage.  In fact, there are many opposites between Eugene Mirman and the Peyton Manning coverage.  This might be easier if I just compile a list of all the opposites that exist between these two.

Eugene Mirman               Peyton Manning Coverage
-Funny                            -Not Funny
-Overweight                    -Not Overweight
-Comedian                      -Not Comedian
-Russian Heritage           -No Russian Heritage

NEED I CONTINUE?

Look, here’s my point.  The media has been speculating on Peyton’s future for a while, but the attention has really ramped up in the past couple of weeks.  It’s incessant.  I really don’t think I need to say anything else because you know what I’m going to say.  Sports media’s obsession with all things Peyton must be put to a stop!

This is why I propose the Peyton Plan: If you, me and Rick Perry combine our efforts, I am convinced that we can persuade every American (even you, infants!) to donate one dollar to Peyton Manning.  This combined value of $312,953,322 should be enough to convince the beleaguered quarterback to hang up his cleats for good and put an end to ESPN’s blather.  Once again we will be able to turn on the TV without fear of hearing about all 22 NFL teams who might take a risk on Peyton Manning next season.

So, dear reader, will you join me in implementing the Peyton Plan? Together, I believe we can make a difference!  We will prevail!

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ARRGG>WOOF

February 2, 2012

L-O-I day is dead, but we’re all left wanting…Sark’s “WOOF’S” echo in the distance, and the single 4-stars and multiple 3-stars we have pale in comparison to the 4- and 5-stars that have sadly diarrhea’d into the fax machine of the UW hopper. The rein of Pirate Leach, however, changes everything. Super-steals like Sam Jones & Gabriel Marks,  and the retention of Taylor Taliulu show that CML is willing to flex his muscle whenever and wherever he needs to. Though it’s a Top 50 recruiting class, at best it doesn’t mean douche-crotch performance; I swear, we’re in bowl games this year and taking 3 of the next 4 Apple Cups is a hopeful chance…..not because we have better kids but because I know for a fact UW kids will take a frat level of mental and physical abuse to the point where they become the guys who either flame out and “smush a bush” or play like Jeremy Stevens and “eat rape for dinner”. So, here’s believing we can appreciate good news and coast to a hopeful 10 bowl bods in a row thanks to the Pirate Leach…….ARGGHHHH

All hail PIRATE LEACH!!!

February 1, 2012

Oh Hai! I’m fresh off my monthly va-jazzling, but there’s no doubt it has been a while. Do you care? Of course you do, no doi. And so, I am here to announce STUFFANDTHINGS is back!! Thanks for being patient, and though I know only my Grammy and Pops care, you should know that there has been a major relocation of our HOMEBASE..and by HOMEBASE I mean the laptop on which I type right now. It has traveled far, without permission, and sometimes I think it might strangle me in my sleep….. but that’s so super ridiculous – if anyone strangles me it will be my loser wife. So here we are, outside Orlando…but I promise I still have perspective on Seattle sports! Well, at least as much as the half-ass fans that live there..BA-ZING!!!!! Go Sounders right??? They are the best! Kicking and passing and shit…. you’re all total fucks. Yup. We’re back.

You’re welcome.