I know that we have never been close, but I used to play you in the street when I was a child. I was pretty decent, but cars always came and we would have to stop playing and that was super annoying. Though I am now far-removed from those halcyon days of my youth, with a pothole-filled road in my rear view I have reached a state of enlightenment that only comes with age and experience. I have been awakened to the possibilities of becoming a fan of you (not a player, because that would be devastating for all involved and I’m pretty sure rollerblades have a weight limit).
I am becoming a man who is evolving into a devotee of what you bring to the table. I have learned to appreciate some of your finer points, from the tranquil grace of zamboni breaks to the savage artistry of your bone-rattling hits…..also I like the punching of other dudes in the face…superb. I guess my purpose in writing you this letter is to provide a mea culpa of sorts. I have been burdened with the guilt of spurning your advances for so many years that my love affair with you in recent months has seemed almost bittersweet. BUT NO LONGER……Hockey, I love you! I am not saying that this is forever but it is for now; and maybe that’s good enough. I hope we are at a place where we can spend time together, getting to know each others’ strengths and faults, and exploring what could be an epic affair that tests the limits of space, time, and the love a man can have with a sport. Until those fat cats in Washington get their crap together, we obviously can’t be “together” in the eyes of the world, but that is of little consequence…..we know what we have and what this could become.
So, I come to you on bended knee, Hockey…..won’t you take me in your gentle yet robust arms and hold me close? Show me all your secrets and allow me to love you in spite of my past neglect of you. Also, if you could make the Canucks win Lord Stanley’s Cup that would be pretty cool of you……
With a love that cannot be measured with any known equation,
P.S. Your brother Lacrosse is a total douche…please don’t bring him to my friend’s birthday party this weekend.