Dear Earth,
It seems like we haven’t been getting along lately and I am starting the get the feeling that you resent me for some reason. Is it because I have been thinking about going to the Moon and you don’t want me to see other planets? I heard about you taking Cougar running back James Montgomery out for the season….seriously World? What is your deal? Don’t you feel like you have done enough already? I mean the Cougs are 3-13 in their last 16 games…don’t you think you have taken a big enough dump on my sports life? This has to stop! I am unsure of my legal options at this point but I am assuming a restraining order is not out of the question. For now Planet, stay the hell out of my way and quit crapping on me……OR ELSE I am going to cut down the entire rainforest and start wasting all the natural resources I can! I am going to pave every inch of you! and dump dog poop in your oceans.
With all the disdain one man can possess and an aerosol can pointed straight at your ozone,
JEM
Stuff and Things 
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