Archive for January, 2009

FSN Broadcast Goes Down Like Crap on a Crap-Cracker

January 30, 2009


              Oh happy day! In a season where big victories are hard to come by, I am insanely ecstatic: FSN, or the Fox Sports Network, decided not to show the #14 team in the nation (featuring the conference’s number one scorer) against one of last year’s sweet sixteen participants (and arguably the most suffocating defense in the nation). Now, it’s hard not to admit that the Cougs aren’t exactly performing to the same standard as the last two years (we’ve been spoiled), but seriously? You pass on showcasing the most exciting talent in your conference – James Harden – to show an athletically sloppy, poorly coached, Lute Olsen-less Arizona team against an overrated, fraudulent, Washington Husky team? Granted, the game was somewhat entertaining, in an “a bunch of crazy people are shooting 40 foot jumpers” kind of way, but I for one would love to have seen my Cougs beat a top 20 team in their building. I guess I’m asking too much from FSN, who has to dole out their 2 cameras (both of which are handheld VHS camcorders borrowed from Marty McFly, who traveled back to the future to deliver them) to a single Pac-10 location twice weekly. But really, it’s true; my standards are way to high for a rinky-dink operation…. I mean they employ D’marco Farr! D’marco “likes anything that’s shiny” Farr! A man with more short-bus frequent rider miles that he can count…. To be fair he can only count to potato (his words not mine) but still…you get my point. I guess it’s too much to expect a decent slate of games every Thursday and Saturday…oh well…I can just watch “ESPN game cast” and *imagine* Klay Thompson going 8 of 10 from three and dropping 28 points.  No, I’m not bitter I missed the Cougs marquee win of the season thus far…I am just upset that FSN is run by a collective group of morons hell-bent on showing the least desirable games as often as possible in order to keep viewer ship down so they can take over the world …which happens to be the company’s mission statement.


PS: Also, maybe try using your HD channel every now and again jerks.


Don’t Wake the Sleeping Giant….RArrrrr

January 29, 2009



Oh man, it’s been so long……It’s one of those things where life gets all crazy and what you love sometimes suffers as a result. But no longer!!! I am not a slave to the business man (thanks Josh Brown). Feeling like a grizzly bear fresh off a nice hibernation session, I am ready to terrorize national parks and steal picnic baskets. So much has happened in the world of sports recently (most of which will be treated as if it never happened)… incident that must be mentioned (because if I didn’t my buddy, an Arizona grad, would be very upset) is the thuggish play of University of Houston guard Aubrey Coleman. In the 96-90 overtime loss to Arizona, Coleman decided he would play “foot to head…head to ground” with Chase Budinger. Budinger or, “the great white hope”, made a “gritty” play taking a charge near midcourt….which clearly upset Coleman enough to smush a dude’s face.  Coleman, who has flip flopped many times on his reasoning, has settled with the ol’ “I noticed a small fire on the side of his head and so I decided to put it out with my shoe” excuse. University of Houston coach, Tom Penders, lauds Coleman as a “hero” and believes Aubrey “face blaster” Coleman (as he is now known) should be credited with saving Budinger’s life. In spite of the last few sentences being totally made up by our crack team of fake investigative investigators, the whole incident was still garbage. Coleman was seen laughing and getting high fives (people still do that?) from teammates after he was ejected. This alone should warrant at least a five game suspension but, instead the school has suspended the Cougars’ second leading scorer for a single game so he can be back in time for the team’s game at Memphis on the 31st of January. Me-thinks Tom Penders has looked at his teams schedule, perhaps. I, for one, am ok with this move by the UH athletic department… long as it is paired with a Chase-Budinger-free-junk-shot on both Coleman and Penders. I mean if Coleman means that much to your team, coach, you should be willing to wear a kick to the groin to have him play. The whole thing is ridiculous and if it wasn’t coming from the University of Houston I am sure the national sports media would be up in arms about this…..Like, say if James Harden pulled a Coleman on stupid smelly Jon Brockman you know the pac-10 is going to come down hard on that (even if I would love to see Brockman have his face stepped on). This is total speculation but I couldn’t see anything less than a 3 game suspension handed down by the school and possibly even more by the conference….And Harden is arguably the best player in the conference on one of the best teams in said conference. Ahhhh but things work differently in Conference USA……and most especially at the University of Houston. It is a university well known for loose morals and shady cheater types in leadership roles (see University of Houston Football circa 1988). In conclusion, like most good wannabe journalists with no sort of formal training or even classes taken down at the local YMCA I must end with an epic closing that restates the thesis of my entire post….So, I’m back, the University of Houston is a garbage school with trashy athletics, Tom Penders should be kicked in the crotch, and I want to see Jon Brockman have his face squished…..that is all.