“Hey Coach, I’ve Got the Bad Crap”


Yes! I thought my excitement over the NBA draft would be soured by the City of Seattle versus Clay Bennett court proceedings and the stinky toot smells coming from Sonics Central in Seattle, but I was wrong. The Sonics front office must have received all my angry letters because they finally went out and got what they will need to succeed…….a foreign big man who isn’t NBA ready, not even NBDL ready. The Sonics took Serge Ibaka, an 18-year-old, 6-foot-10 forward/center from the Congo who most likely will spend the next 3 years playing in Europe developing his game. Sonics fans, perennial nay-sayers to foreign big men, for the most part will not be pleased. You will hear plenty of “Why don’t we just draft him in 3 years when he is ready” or “Do we really need another Johan Petro, or Mouhamed Sene?”…To this I say, Why wait? And of course we do! From watching the NBA very closely over the past 5 years I have ascertained the road to victory is built with unproven, non-American, non-NBA ready talent. As a specific example, take a look at this years NBA champion Boston Celtics, who was the key player on an all-but-one-USA-born team? Kazakhstani superstar, Elmer Van Den Gosh-Sangdiev, who plays for Barsy Atyrau BBN. The roles of Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen, and Finals MVP Paul Pierce were insanely overstated over the course of the season, when in reality the hero was Van Den Gosh-Sangdiev. Though he never actually played with the Celtics, it was his weekly pep talk phone calls (which none of the Celtics could understand) and supportive emails to possible future teammates that made the difference in the Celtics run to the title. This is living proof; the model the Sonics have decided to follow in recent years will inevitably end in glory and golden trophies shaped like basketballs. So stay the course Sonics management, the process of planting and tending to crops is arduous….but the dividends: delicious corn, succulent cabbages, and flavorsome carrots are well worth the years of waiting and all the hard labor. Do what you do and one can only hope that the future holds an entire team of unpronounceable names and worthless draft picks playing in other countries on course to ride the bench in the NBDL someday.


*Disclaimer: Elmer van den Gosh-Sangdiev is not a real player as drafting players like the described above will most assuredly NOT end in an NBA Championship (or even a playoff berth for that matter).






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One Response to ““Hey Coach, I’ve Got the Bad Crap””

  1. newbobcatfan Says:

    What’s your opinion on the Bobcats draft choice of Kyle Weaver?

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