If you had come up to me 2 weeks ago and said “Hey the Mariners are going to take 2 of 3 from the Red Sox and you are going to want to jump off a bridge” I would have said shut up, nu-uh, as if, and a slew of other magical two-word hip phrases……but as it turns out you would be correct. And so now I ask you, can I borrow your future telling device and/or time machine? The source of this frustration is the truth made evident by a weekend spent with “Red Sox Nation”. The amount of alleged “Sawks” fans, who in reality just really liked the movie Fever Pitch, was astronomical at The Safe over the 3 games. Now I understand that baseball is meant to be enjoyed by everybody and that is fine…. But at least take the time to know one thing about the team who’s gear you spent $300 dollars on….I will even get you started…Jimmy Fallon does not play right field (sorry Fever Pitch fans), Daiske Matzusaka is not the manager, and they play in Fenway Park in Boston. I realize it is much easier to spend hundreds and hundreds of dollars on merchandise than it is to take the time to know something about the team you “root for” but a new policy has been implemented by the MLBFAABAFAA (Major League Baseball Fans Association of America by Americans for the Advancement of Americans). In order to own a teams hat, t-shirt, jersey, jersey t-shirt, flip flops, v-neck, sweater vest, v-neck sweater vest, or any of the other crap MLB has tricked you into buying (all pink version of the aforementioned items are to never be purchased as they are stupid), you must learn one thing about the team who’s crap you are buying, not including the city in which they play or their mascot. That’s it, simple and easy. And I for one am 100% in the MLBFAABAFAA’s corner on this one. If this is too much for you however, the MLBFAABAFAA is working on a new line of hip cool baseball gear tailored to the extremely casual baseball fan. If you go to games for the atmosphere pick up the hip new “I am here for the Atmosphere” jersey from Majestic. Or perhaps you just really enjoy having a good time…well then the new “I support the having of good times” baseball cap from New Era is all the rage. These products are excellent for those of you who refuse to learn even one player from your teams starting line-up and they have something to fit anyone’s budget and taste. The two hottest selling items so far have been the “I like team A because my cousin once stayed in city A for 2 weeks one summer but I also like Team B” pink jersey t-shirt (also from Majestic) And of course the classic “I don’t care about either of these teams I just enjoy being outside and wanted to pay $60 to do so,” which comes in a hat and matching t-shirt. So don’t fret, uber casual fan of the game, you won’t be quizzed on what stadium you “favorite team” plays in, we just ask that you police yourself.
Crap Face Poop Mouth for Example See Below