It has become abundantly clear to me, after the Mariners took 2 of 3 from the Red Sox; the time to hedge my bets is now. In the spirit of fence sitting I have issued this official statement…..”I believe in the Mariners…I believe they will lose 100 games and I also believe they will make the playoffs”. I am sure some of you are incredibly confused so I will bre bre bre break it down for ya’ll. If in 3 months the Mariners are somehow miraculously in the playoff picture in Major League baseball I want to make sure everyone knows that I have been on board since the beginning and I will have them reference the “I believe the will make it to the playoffs” part of my official statement. Then the more likely scenario, if they have lost close to 100 games and people are all saying “you totally thought they were going to make the playoffs” I will say no I didn’t and I will have them reference the “I believe they will lose 100 games” piece of my official statement. You see, what I have done here is incredibly ingenious….it is the quintessential example of having my cake and eating it too. Its win win….the Mariners suck…I am covered……the Mariners make an unthinkable run to the post season…..covered. I am the ultimate prognosticator and I cannot lose. So just in case, I will ask that you each save 2 copies of this article…….one with all the “Mariners suck” parts clipped out and the other with all the “Mariners are making the playoffs” parts clipped out. Then when the time comes I will instruct you which file you should open and re-read as proof of my ultimate sports predicting abilities so I can say “see i was right” and stuff…….So yea…..make those copies.
It’s Uncomfortable, But Sitting on the Fence is the Safest Place to Be