Fat Guys Make the Worst Sprinters

by

                     Wow…….woweee wee wow. The hometown 9, with a chance to sweep, absoutely “munsoned” it in the truest definition of the made up word. In a disgusting display of bullpen….ery (nice) and another lackluster performance by the offense the M’s were trounced 7-0 early Thursday afternoon. Starter Miguel Batista went 6 innings giving up 4 runs on eight hits then handed the ball of to Eric O’Flaherty. Turns out that’s like Pre-Subway Jared handing the baton off to John Goodman in a 4×200 Olympic relay. O’Flaherty came in, went 1/3 of an inning and gave up 3 runs, walked one and struck out none. This less than stellar performance boosted his already inflated ERA to an unbelievable 20.25 and left quite a few M’s fans feeling like their cereal got crapped in. One possibly redeeming aspect of this game never came: the M’s were only able to muster 3 hits, 2 of which came from the bat of Adrian Beltre.  Those waiting for this Mariners offense to come alive, myself included, may be waiting a while…..The M’s hitters struggled mightily against the Rays 5th starter(!) Edwin Jackson, who pitched a gem. Jackson went 8 innings giving up 2 hits and striking out six on the way to his second victory of the season. Is there any remedy to all the Mariners current woes? Will the return of J.J. Putz spark a turnaround? Will we see Brandon Morrow soon? Will the moose hit anyone with his ATV? All will be answered next time on MAAAARiners Baseball…..boop boooooop booop boooooop booop booop (cool theme music) booop beeeep bop beeeep bop.

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2 Responses to “Fat Guys Make the Worst Sprinters”

  1. Butthole_7 Says:

    Fat people make good sprinters as long as you fashion an apparatus thats attatches to the head and dangles a cheesburger in front of them. BA ZING!

  2. John Says:

    Please tell me that you start with the pictures and then write articles about them.

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