Join the Coalition for the Prevention of the Adulthood of Dakota Fanning


 I came across this in my meanderings (sp?) through the global interweb, ipods, and e-mailings……enjoy

     Today we are faced with several crises: the potential recession, the global oil predicament, and Obama’s terrible bowling score… but there is one disaster we can prevent, if we all join together and stop Dakota Fanning from becoming… an adult.
While this threat may seem distant, it looms before us – an inevitable occurance, as certain as the fall of Rome or Lance Bass’s sexuality. Dakota has taken herself out of the limelight for her awkward journey through puberty, but rest assured that she will return; she will return as a “woman.”
For those of you (the few, the idiots) who don’t know why this would be such a catastrophe, here’s something to ponder: Dakota has already obtained what appears to be the knowledge, speech and mannerisms as a fully grown human. As she ages, this knowledge and understanding will naturally increase, giving her SUPER HUMAN BRAIN POWER. It will only be a matter of time before she takes over the world, subjugates its inhabitants, and kills Abigail Breslin to make sure she has no competition.
I am not such a monster as to suggest we kill a now-innocent girl… I mean, young woman – excuse me Ms. Fanning… we must merely try to find a way to freeze her until doctors have discovered how to cure or reverse the aging process. It is a simple plan, provided that we are completely united in our cause.
Join me, and we can prevent the end of the world.

 -A friend

Warning: the following may be disturbing to most viewers.


One Response to “Join the Coalition for the Prevention of the Adulthood of Dakota Fanning”

  1. mike Says:

    this is the best article i’ve ever read!!!!!

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